In This Patriarchy

I was born a girl long back.

But no one was happy, because they yearned for a male child.

They all regretted my birth.

Instead of happy tears, sad tears rolled down their cheeks.

My elder brother is give so much.

He was sent to school and then to college.

He even gets to play in the park after 6.

He even has a PS5 which my parents say is only for boys.

Me on the contrary, is said to just sit at home and learn all homely chores.

I was neither sent to school nor to any college.

I couldn’t even play with my friends.

And all I was given was a worn out Barbie doll to play.

But one day, my mother took me far away,

In a close and a dark building, where one lady was also there.

She laid me down on the floor.

Took off my pants and circumsised me

They left me in the dark room all alone.

I was shrieking and yelping with that horrendous pain.

The left me bleeding and swooning.

All my yelps and cries were in vain, no one came to help.

I somehow learnt how to grow with that pain.

Doing ordinary things was also a challenge.

I could always feel that pain.

I grew up as an illiterate girl.

I had no education qualification, no job nothing.

My brother went to other city, he earned for himself.

But the biggest nightmare of my life was yet to come.

At the age of 20 I was married off.

I was a burden on my family.

But from then on I was not a member

But I was a servant or an animal.

My only job was to take care of my natal family.

My husband was 30 years elder to me.

He was a cruel man.

At that year I conceived but my child died during the labour.

I could not stop grieving.

After some months I had a baby girl.

No one loved her.

They all wanted me to get rid of her.

My husband always abused me from then on.

But I always loved my daughter

She was very dear to me

I could never let her go away from me.

So I decided that she won’t go through which I went.

My daughter was two years old

When I stitched a bear for her

She called him

It made me recall that my parents never gave me one.

Just like that time passed.

Once when she was three years old

I had conceived again

But this time things were worse

My natal family decided to keep the baby,

Only if it were a male child.

I couldn’t stand against it.

So I decided to flee back to my mother’s house.

But for my parents and brother

It was a total disgrace

If a women came back from her natal family

They kicked both of us, like animals.

I had no option but to take the train.

From Mumbai we came to Dehradun.

Some nights were passed on the streets,

Some days passed without having food.

But soon a nun came to our life like a miracle.

She took us to a place.

That place was indeed beautiful.

There I was taken directly to principle sahiba.

Her calm voice and kind nature was like a balm for us.

They gave us a room to live.

Inshallah! That room was big.

We never had seen such a beautiful place.

From then on our lives underwent a drastic change.

I would stitch and my daughter would go to a school.

It was a privilege.

We lived there a happy life.

Never in my life after that ,

I never was subjected to domestic violence.

We never slept empty stomach.

But during that time I had lost my unborn child.

That was painful but,

Today I am thankful to that nun,

For she gave us this beautiful place to live,

Food, shelter everything.

Today I’m thankful to that nun,

For she gave me wings,

Earn dignity and respect.

Because of her today I’m independent, I’m free.

Today I proudly say,

That my daughter is a lawyer.

She is an advocate for women’s equality.

Today I proudly narrate my tale to all the women.

So in the end, I would say

The criminal will always be a criminal.

But the one who is bearing that violence

Is a much bigger sinner than him.

- Pragati Sharma