Why Are Brides "Given Away" At Weddings

Especially at Indian weddings, the Bride's family organise the wedding programme. They give away cards, an extravagant feast, all different sorts of sweets, entertainment and even the "Bride". Yes, we got it right in the Indian Wedding "Brides" are also given away. As if "Brides" are some piece of property given to her "in-laws" or the "going to be husband". Either by "Kanyadaan" or brides walking down the aisle. The tradition of "Giving Away Brides" is common. It is traced back, centuries ago when marriages were strategic alliances, where women were given away as collateral to strengthen those ties.

Yet in the 2021 century this practice of "Giving Away Brides" still prevails. People still reinforce the same mentality that after marriage our daughter is yours now. This notion is not implemented to the males, because the daughter in law has to take care of her in-laws. The husband never returns the same to his in-laws.

This mindset doesn't just cease with the "Kanyadaan" practice. Women have to change their surname or even their first names after they get married. Taking care of the in-laws is a duty of a woman, but the irony here is that her husband has no such commitments towards her parents.

This conservative mindset is submissive to women, this also demoralizes women both legally and socially. In a typical Indian household in cities and the interiors, a male child is often anticipated as an "Asset". On the other hand, a female child is often perceived as a "Liability" or "Paraya Dhan". This is because people think that a male child will be with them, help them in their old age, whereas a girl will get married and become a part of her new family.

This "Asset" and "Liability" is the main reason why Indians prejudice between their sons and daughters. They also invest more in the study of a male child than what they invest in their daughter's education. They save their money with the aim that can invest that amount in their daughter's wedding day and dowry. The only time when families do actually spend lavishly is on their daughter's wedding and not on her education. Yes, you heard it right about the wedding, not on the education. But here is the truth research has proved that be it married or unmarried, independent women are more efficient than males do. They do twice as much work as what sons do. Women are more likely to care for and love their parents in their old age.

In a recently conducted survey, it was revealed that more than 50 per cent of the Indian households spent 20 per cent of their total savings on their daughter's wedding and dowry. But here is the irony, the money they spend on the splendid feast and the dowry is actually not to charm the bride but to retain their family honour.

A woman has no access to the money which she inherits from her parents because it's up to her brothers if they wish to share it with her. Approximately 60 per cent of married Indian women are "homemakers" and have no income. Both the reasons restrict women to separate from their husbands and because it makes them even more dependent on her husband. Women who divorce their husbands often face dismissal from their parents, their neighbourhood and the society they live in. People even say that " A Dead Daughter Is Better Than A Divorced Daughter". Some other notions are " You didn't try enough". The most shocking fact is that the husband or a man doesn't get to hear any of this at all. Also, it is very easy for a man to get wedded again but a woman gets to hear a lot if she decides to remarry.

It's very much true that 30 per cent of Indian wives have to endure domestic violence for dowry and other reasons, doesn't wish to disclose it to their natal family. This is because perhaps they also perceive that their natal family would also blame them for them being abused by their husband or in-laws. This makes it even tougher for Indian women to get separated.

So now it can be said that women are not actually a "burden" to their family. What burden is are the unwanted expectations and the customs that are followed?